In the era of technology everything has become easily accessible, from online shopping, to watching your favorite movies, reading your favorite books, getting informed about current events, and yes, online shopping for a mate.
Why bother go out dating and flirting in real life, when you can do it from the comfort of your couch eating a full bag of chips, right? Swiping left and right, trying to have conversations with random people, that you have swiped right based solely on their picture(s).
I can understand it might sound appealing and convenient at first, however you might want to think twice before, depending on what you want.
If you’re only looking for easy dates, for meaningless sex, or some other type of fun, granted you’re more likely to find it on tinder.
Does it mean that tinder is a hopeless case, and nobody could ever find real true love there? No! Of course, on tinder, like everywhere else there are exceptions. I personally know couples who have met there and went on to have a serious relationship and even get married.
This article focuses on the majority of men that you are most likely to meet on tinder, not on the exceptions. Most people I meet in my practice as well as my friends tell me that Tinder is a sh*tty app, very few of them have met someone who can be considered a quality human being, but I had to make the experience for myself, so here it is:
1. Those who only want sex.
This one isn’t a mystery. Most men on tinder are probably looking for just easy sex. And it’s become so accessible and easy these days, Tinder has become a sex haven for men. There’s nothing wrong with that choice, of course, it becomes a problem however if you, as a woman are looking for something more or if you are expecting something in return of sex, i.e a serious relationship.
This type is going to offer you to immediately go to his place (or come to yours) as a FIRST DATE. If you’re looking for the same thing there is no problem in accepting that, as a woman. You want to have your fun, go have it, it’s so accessible for women too nowadays. Men like to easily isolate women, so that they can get what they want, i.e sex (for those who are still not getting the hint).
Some tips if you want the same thing and you’re looking for sex too:
– Try to avoid having sex on the first date, get to know him a little before, and avoid going to his place on a first date. This isn’t about you wanting to play hard to get, this is about your own security. Most people aren’t criminals or dangerously ill, however there have been cases where women were put in a dangerous situation and barely made it out. You need to be aware that if someone was sick enough in their head, and was looking for a prey, apps like Tinder make it easier.
– Do not expect him to respect you and treat you like a queen once you have slept with him on a first date, and made yourself so accessible. This has nothing to do with you being easy, there’s nothing wrong with women wanting sex as much as men (or even more). However, in a man’s mind, most of the time, he will not appreciate the sex as much as if he had put a little effort for it. It is more likely he will see you as just p*ssy if he didn’t at least get a taste of your personality. Men still have the hunter’s instinct, and they tend to not appreciate things that come easily.
– This brings us to the last point: expectations. Women come to me disappointed and heartbroken because the guy they had sex with on the first date, does not want to see them again, and somehow, although these women were okay with having only sex on a first date, now suddenly they expect something more, be it a relationship or a long-term affair. That’s not how it works; the guy is very likely to lose interest after the one night stand. I am not saying that it is impossible that you both might fall in love but this remains the exception, not the rule. Remove high expectations or any expectations whatsoever, if you are only going for a one night stand or just sex.
2. Those who are looking for a side b*tch.
You have no idea how many clients and how many women I know have told me that there’s plenty of men who already are in a relationship or married, and yet have a tinder profile. This type of man is clearly looking for sex as well (see above example) but they aren’t getting their needs met at home. Perhaps they’re bored with their current relationship and want a change. Or they are comfortable in their relationship but there is no passion left, so they think they can solve their problems by having a tinder profile and perhaps find a passionate “affair” on the side. This is the type of man who wants their cake and wants to eat it too. No judgment from me though, people need to have fun in life, we only live once after all.
They will probably not tell you right off the bat that they’re in a relationship or married, you will however see hints throughout the messages you’re exchanging. For instance, the biggest red flag is when he asks for “discretion”. Why would someone who is single and has nothing to hide be so concerned about discretion?
Another red flag is if you go on dates with this guy, but the dates are always in intimate places, for example, he wants to spend the date at your place, and his place is a no-go.
If you go on with the messages and keep pushing on the questions, he will eventually tell you that his situation is “complicated”. Other times though, you’ll meet dudes that are immediately honest and will tell you that they are in a relationship. For those of you who don’t want to go further with this type, you can now immediately jump to number three. For those who want to go on dating this category, you can keep on reading. You’re allowed to date this type of guy if that is what you want and if that situation is perfectly okay for you. There are certain advantages that come when you have the side b*tch role: you do not need to give him as much attention as if you were his girlfriend, you do not need to do house chores for him, there is an amount of freedom that comes with this title, since you can keep your options open and date other guys. The most beautiful thing when you are the side b*itch is that you will be the fantasy woman. You will be the confidant, and the good time girl, who doesn’t nag him. You can have your fun, and only see him when you feel like it. He will also likely be more attracted to you than to what he has at home.
There are two things to be careful for here:
– Again be careful with your expectations. Do not get trapped into the idea that because you like him so much and he claims to like you too, that he is going to leave his main b*tch for you. It might happen of course, anything can happen in this life, but do not overestimate yourself to the point that you think he will leave his relationship for you. If he is not leaving a relationship he’s not fully happy in, there might be a reason, and another woman is highly unlikely to make him change his mind. This has nothing to do with you personally or how awesome you are, this has everything to do with him.
– You need to be careful with the other woman, in case she finds out. And eventually if it lasts long enough she will find out because duh, we’re women we always find out. You can be as careful as you want, you cannot trust him to be as careful as you are. No matter what he says that he knows what he is doing, men tend to get sloppy. Once it might be a restaurant ticket, presents he bought to you, or your perfume on his clothes. If men like Bill Clinton can get caught, do not think that your dude isn’t likely to get caught, no matter how much he thinks and claims to be in control. If the main b*tch finds out, you might have problems with her and find yourself to be in an embarrassing situation. You can never know what you’re dealing with, and “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”. Rare are the women who would only blame their partner for his indiscretion and not go after the other woman. The main b*tch will want to know details that her man isn’t giving her: how many times you have slept together, how often, what did you do and hell knows what. This isn’t meant to scare you, just be prepared if you go through with this: it needs to at least be worth it, and you’re the only one who will decide
3. The desperate ones.
This is the type of guy who just wants a girlfriend or perhaps sex, but with this type you’re more likely to have a relationship. This type will not be too high maintenance if you also just want a boyfriend, or someone who will accompany you to an event.
Will these men be unattractive? Not necessarily. They just probably have a fear of being alone, or they have low self-esteem. They just want a girlfriend, their standards aren’t necessarily high. Perhaps he just wants a serious relationship because he has this idea of the “perfect couple” or the “perfect family“ in his head.
Yeah I know it makes you cringe, but there’s nothing wrong with this, because you will be the one in control in the relationship, and this type of dude is unlikely to be an asshole. He will probably want to “build something” with you. Whether you will be attracted to him or not, this is your call. How can you spot the desperate ones?
One example I saw, was a young dude who had literally written “I accept young moms”. Again no judgment in this case, someone can get to know and fall in love with a woman who has kids, but a guy who literally writes this on this profile, it damn reeks of desperation.
Another hint that he is desperate is if he already gets p*ssed when you tell him that on Tinder you’re also looking for other guys and dating other guys. You have never met this guy and he is already getting upset because he knows there are other dudes in the game.
He might tell you things like: I want to know from the beginning on if we’re on the same page for something serious.
But nobody can decide from the beginning on if they want something serious, especially if you’ve never met them in the first place. This guy wants a contract, the contract being a serious relationship. He’s like these women who would consider just anyone, only to have their girlfriend title or just to have a family.
You can date this guy and there’s not much to be careful about with this type. He might have issues like everyone else, but it is the most harmless type. Up to you if you want to go on with this, at this point.
½ The half.
Now why did I categorize the last part as “half”? No, it does not mean that he is half a man, but rather that this is the one that is the exception. (I also wanted to make a wordplay with the TV Show named “two and a half men”, I admit). That is the one that you might want to meet, because he stands out from the crowd. This is the one that held your attention long enough; perhaps you have a lot in common, you’re passionate about the same thing(s) and your conversations are fascinating without any awkward silences. It is no longer just about the looks. This is a guy you might consider dating and/or going further.
He might be the guy that is a “damn yes” I wanna date him and things might turn out wonderfully for both of you.
However, since you met on tinder, this guy might also fall in one of the three categories mentioned above. Him being “extraordinary” does not exclude the possibility that he might only be looking for sex, that he might be desperate, or in worst case scenarios, he might be one of those who already are in a relationship.
By being in the category of “half”, this type of man is actually more than the rest, he has that little “extra” vibe, yet it is for you to decide whether you want to keep things going or not. Perhaps if you are looking for a serious relationship, it is too soon to decide. If you are looking for fun and aren’t thinking about anything else, you might want to consider going further with him.
Keep things light on tinder and don’t get your hopes too high. Meeting people in non-virtual ways, and finding someone you have fun with, somewhere you did not expect is way more magical, than trying to control your love life by swiping on these apps.
Hopefully this information will help you sort out your picks and choose mindfully. I wish you all happy swiping 🙂